“When you ask ‘why,’ you don’t sound curious—you sound like you’re challenging them.”

- Dan Rochon

Episode Summary

Do Not Use This Word When Talking to Clients

By Dan Rochon

In today’s market, real estate agents don’t just need scripts. They need skillful conversations.

And one of the fastest ways to lose connection with a client?
Using the wrong words—especially this one: “why.”

“Why” Can Feel Like a Punch, Not a Question

When agents ask things like:

• “Why didn’t you make a higher offer?”

• “Why didn’t you come to the showing?”

• “Why haven’t you called me back?”

They think they’re problem-solving.
But to the client, it feels like an interrogation.

Even if you don’t mean to, “why” puts people on the defensive. It implies they’ve made a mistake—and now they have to justify it. That’s not how you build trust.

So What Should You Say Instead?

Here’s what I teach the agents I coach:
Use question softeners.

These are simple phrases that make your questions feel more natural and conversational. They sound like:

• “I’m curious…”

• “I was wondering…”

• “Please tell me…”

These softeners change the tone of the question from accusatory to collaborative.

Instead of:
“Why are you late?”
Say:
“I noticed you’ve been arriving late—what do we need to do to help you get here on time?”

See the difference? One invites problem-solving. The other invites defensiveness.

The Only Time to Use “Why”

Now, to be clear—I’m not banning the word entirely.

There’s one situation where “why” is powerful: when you’re driving toward emotion or motivation.

For example:

• “Why do you want to buy a home?”

• “Why is selling now important to you?”

• “Why did you get into real estate?”

These questions go deeper. They uncover values, desires, and goals. They help you connect.

So here’s the rule:
Only use “why” when you’re digging into someone’s vision—not challenging their actions.

Final Thought

If you want better conversations, start with better language.
Drop the confrontational “why” in everyday questions—and pick up the softeners that build rapport.

It’s a small shift that can change everything.

Until the next show:
Be grateful. Make good choices. Help someone. And you’ll find a listing.

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